i think im a nutcase.
cos im the type of person that has extremely strong desire very quickly for something then none at all the nxt.
let me give u an example.
there was once when i was still in sch, i saw this very cute coin purse n wanted to buy, i was like head over heels in love w it, or at least i tot i was, it caused like $16 bucks or something so i gotta save like crazy, i didnt manage to so the faster n more efficient way is ask daddy to buy for me, n he did. After i bought it n held it in my hands, it didnt seem as nice as it was in my memory.
i tried a couple more time, this times i jus went back to look at the thing tt i was supposedly in love with, everythin i went home n tot bout it, i decided with extreme determination tt i HV TO get it, i go to the shop, pick it up, n it didnt seem nice anymore. it was much nicer in my memory, so i ALWAYS ended up not buyin.
this 'personality' is also in other aspects of my life, i applied for many many jobs tt i 'desired' or rather i would say, many other girls would desire, retail brands la, luxury brands la, make up la, cosmetics la, then wait n wait dying for them to call me for an interview.
n they dun, so finally when 1 did, i was ESTATIC! looking for the 1st interview, went home n ernestly wait for their call in hopes.. . .
finally i m in my ultimate dream job, or shld i say the ultomate dream job for most girls, im not sure if it really suits me....
but i learnt one thing 'by all means, chase after ur dreams, dreams r motivators of our lifes, helping to shape us. However bearing in mind that the dream u hv may not suit u, so when it doesnt, dun try too hard and become who u r not'
all i can say is, im v v v thankful for the wonderful chance that i am given to join this v beautiful industry, it would probably change my whole career path n if im not careful, my entire personality.
reason being, this industry is a harsh industry, looks and the way u carry urself is impt but i wont say tt it is critical, competency at work is still most impt of course, but still u feel the need n pressure to constantly 'perfect' in ur appearance. the conversation or rather gossip or comments tt i am hearing are rather erm.... in my interpretation rather harsh.
its is an industry tht sells beautiful products that is suppose to make u beautiful, n when selling n being constantly surrounded by beautiful things, with conversations surrounding too by this topic, 1 is expected to be 'perfect' at all times. well maintained n poised. having Elegance as the dress code for work, u know my drift....
im still adjusting to my work, n on top of things the industry, it is judgemental and somewat superficial. it is labelling n harsh. i expexted it, but when it happened, i guess i wasnt ready for it.
wat's keeping me goin is shutting myself from all these and striving for competence in my work. other priorities 2nd.
things r not as bad as i described cos i AM an exagerrated person under the influence of hormonal changes right now so pls, do ur own judgement on how much u wanna perceive.
but it indeed is a wonderful industry to be in, surrounded by all things beautiful and having a motto like 'if it isnt the best quality we rather not sell then compromise.' it is reaaly a joy n pride to work there.
it is v different here, everyone is extremely young n very competent. my GM is only in her thrities and my immediate mgr is jus a yr older. ok la, to be imediate mgr, she promoting 2nd half of the yr. so its not longer like the previous co. the youngest in the co. the baby of the grp, it is young, independent, competent woman that im wking with, which in a way motivates me n in another way scary cos im not sure if im able to be as competent.
anther thing is tt i dun hv frens at work, frens tt u can talk freely with without judgement n bitch with no boomerang consequences. but i dun at all. i feel like a sore thumb sticking out, ok la, not so kua zhang, but still feel weird, i think im being too harsh on myself, its only 3 weeks into work..
but i miss yeen theng terribly at work, she was my best fren at wk, we still contact n its a tough time for both of us n we both misses each other v much... so badly that i even considering of rejoining her, but heng, only for like 5 seconds. eeeeee, it would be terrible. im happier now. =) oh well, u cant hv the best of both worlds.
anyway, i was blessed w this wonderful opportunity, for sure i will not give up easily at all, quitting is not in book right now, but wking my ass off is, im gonna wk like a dog and work like crazy n do my best, i know it would eventually wk out, but the journey there will probably kill me.
i will make it work or die trying.
haha, jus joking, not literally la....
OMG im so fucking lame, n so bloody tired.. YAWWWWWWWWWWNS
but i will manage, i know i will, i always have.
nitey.
11:53 PM
My Name
Friend