happy cny everyone~
a whole yr jus flew past before me AGAIN..
i missed so many things while i was workin OT, i missed many dinners at home, i missed gatherings, i screw up, i was stressed, i switch into bitch mode very often.. may be rethinking my whole career path, may be asking for transfer, if i dun succeed mayb i'll hafta re plan.. anyway, i'm only thinkin. If i can give up the opportunity to go to sweden n after tt either switzerland or paris n ask for the transfer i think u guys can get how bad it is..
received a couple of bad news throughout the last few days before the new yr, grandpa's little bro has cancer, grandma was like, ok, pple grow old, things happen.. then a few days later, grandma's 6th sis has cancer, of the lungs and has only 6 mths to live, she was still ok, not too upset, shocked, but still doing ok, then her 3rd sis has cancer, her 3rd sis = her bestest fren has cancer, n she will leave us anytime, she is very very upset, then my little cousins has to be rebellious n do something which i find extremely unforgivable n breaks her heart.. . Which upsets mummy to see her mum so upset which in turn upsets me.. i know shit happens but y do they happen altogether? sigh~
as u guys would already know, my paternal grandpa n i r extremely close n he is extremely funny, but cos of work i haven visited him in almost 2 months, i know its a lame excuse, but at that time i didnt think 2 mths was so long a time but now i know to an old man it is. His health deterioate at an alarming speed n he can't seem to recognise me anymore, the person who shares beard papa with me n pesters me to buy tuna buns from four leaves may no longer recognise me, the person who i say 'Hi ah gong!' n he will say 'Hi!' back, the person who made all my dreams come true, the person tt i pat to slp, coax him till he slps, chats with, watch tv with, hugs, may no longer remember me.. when he had problems with his eyes, at least he recognises my voice, n says hi to me, but now, i'm not sure, i still hold his hand, n he holds mine, but i dun think he knows who i am..
i was with him all the way when he could walk, till he needed help, till couldn't walk, in a wheel chair, now he has difficulty in sitting in a wheelchair, this is the man who carries me n cycles to buy breakfast, who told me his life story in the hospital, i miss the times, jus the 2 of us, watching tv, chit chatting, i love him, will he ever remember?
anyway, i hope u guys r doing well, i miss laughing. . . real genuine happy laughing.. not those disgusting polite smiles n laugh.
jus needed to blog these out, feeling a tat better.
if u guys r wondering, i'm fine, jus dun feel like talkin bout it. thks for wanting to ask. =)
1:04 AM
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