Saw michael at the exhibition on 31st Dec, he was with fel, his current gf, seeing him after soooo long actually made me feel at ease, he walked up to me n we talked, he introduced fel to me, i realise i no longer dislike or loathe him, i have finally untied tt untangled chain in my heart, i used to feel that i tried so bloody hard for that relationship but y didn't it work out? y muz he cheat? i waited for him to come back n tired so hard, wat went wrong? after tt, i used to frown when i hear his name, didnt wanna add him in msn, very spitful when he calls, he did apologise, sayin tt he was young n all, but i was jus stubborn. He was really sweet n loving in the beginning n treated me extremely well but i was cold n nonchalant, but towards the end, things change, we swopped roles.
i wont deny i was badly hurt, it was 5 long yrs, though i cant remember any gd times now but i'm sure there was. Denial hinders healing, that i would know, i didn't realise that sometimes no matter how much we like the person, or how hard we try, sometimes its due to a simple reason that we r jus not suitable, being together would be suffocating n painful. I didnt understand that, i was stubborn, young n headstrong, i didnt want to fail, i want it to work, i want it to work even though we have stop liking each other and r diiferent already, i was in denial, tt he will realise tt we were meant for each other and would come lookin for me again, (16 is such a childish age) cos i'm so nice to him, i think i told him i would wait for him n all the blah blah stuff, when he was 2 timing, but once he was not 2 timing anymore, i treated him not-so-well again. -_-II wat you dun get is always the one you want, but once u hv it, u will start to think, wat's e big deal anyway? haha. i was so naive then, sweet silly 16.
Blogging bout this got me thinking, after every relationship, one will grow, grow to understand oneself better, understand ur needs n wants better, understand wat makes u smile, wat makes u cry, sometimes its not tt u really like the person so much n dun want him to leave but rather you dun want it to end like tt, you refuse to let go, not now, not yet, the i-dun-wanna-lose-attitude. I was once like tt, mike helped to me grow, he once told me, 'u dunno how to love, its not a game' now i know y.
Thanks to mike, i grew, i realised n i learnt to love, now w dar we're v happy. we're comfortable, we're very much in love. love should never be suffocating or painful, it should be peaceful, loving n happy all the time. I've learnt, thanks. Hope u guys will learn somehing from my lesson. =)
10:20 AM
My Name
Friend
