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Friday, April 07, 2006
recollection of horrible memories flooded back recently, i saw a fren in a somewat similar situation, memories swirled backed. I see wat she was going thru n i feel the pain, like a heavy lead had hit the bottom of my heart, heavy n painful. I felt like i was going thru it all over again, the pain, hurt, denial and confusion. I was constantly mad at the wrong pple, the onnocent party that has done nothing wrong but met me at the wrong time, all i can say to him is tt i'm truely sorry. I guess i have never healed from previous pains and never allowed myself to think too much about it, at that time i just want it to be over quickly n let myself heal, so i chose to forget. But human's subconscious is a brilliant thing, they won't just let u forget. Denial is no longer working, i know that i have not healed and have lost all faith.

Sometimes i ask myself, y not try again, but i know i can't, it wil just prolong the pain for both. I am not ready. Y took u so long to find out? some may ask. U'll never know after u tried, i've took time to try n really tried. Many obstacles came along the way, i told myself 'love conquers all fear' but i failed, it takes more than love. i'm unhappy, i've tried to make myself happy, acting as if nothing happened, laughing, sleeping it away, not thinking about it, buying stuffs to make myself happy.. but all doesn't seem to be wkin.. Wat's wrong with me? why can't i be happy again?...




11:07 PM